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Where are your manners Freddie

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, " No, your mom was talking about her side of the family. "

Remember Barbie? And G.I. Joe? Two titans of the toy industry, right?

You know, I was at my niece's birthday party the other day, and it got me thinking about the toys of our youth. Remember Barbie? And G.I. Joe? Two titans of the toy industry, right? So, my niece, she's got this list for Santa, and it's a doozy. She wants a Barbie AND a G.I. Joe for her birthday. Now, I'm standing there, looking at this list, and I'm thinking, "Okay, a Barbie, sure. G.I. Joe, a classic. But together?" And then her mom, bless her heart, she pipes up, "Doesn't Barbie come with Ken?" Now, this is where it gets good, people. My niece, she's like, five years old, but she's already got the wisdom of a seasoned divorce attorney. She looks at her mom, dead serious, and says, "No, she comes with G.I. Joe. She fakes it with Ken." I swear, I almost choked on my mini-quiche. Fakes it with Ken! You hear that? This kid's already figured out the patriarchy, and she's still learning to tie her shoes! And you know w...

Freddie

Alright, alright, so I'm at this fancy restaurant, right? Trying to impress this date. You know, the kind of place where the waiter whispers the specials and the bread basket comes with three kinds of artisanal butter. I'm trying to be on my best behavior, channeling my inner Pope. My date, she's looking fantastic, and I'm trying to keep my eyes on her, not on the… well, you see the lady in the picture. Let's just say she's got some… *prominent* features. So, the waiter comes over, and he's like, "And for you, sir?" And I, trying to be polite, trying to keep my composure, I look at my date, then I look at the woman in the picture, and I say, "Where are your manners, Freddie – take your elbows off the table!" My date looks at me like I've just grown a second head. The waiter just freezes. And then I realize, I think I might have just… *borrowed* some dialogue from a very memorable cartoon. I stammered, "Uh, I mean... where are *...

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